We are the people who suffer. We need to help each other.When you feel suicidal,You are not alone. Make friends on this blog. Reach Out. Don't try suicide. You are going to hate it!. Alcohol&Drug Addiction,OCD,Bipolar,PTSD,Schizophrenia,Suicide,Borderline, Anorexia,Bulimia, cancer victims. Forgive yourself. Try to believe.This too shall pass. Even if you want to die, hold on more hour. One day you will be happy to be alive.Trust me, I am so happy to be alive.
Sunday, May 29, 2016
i hope this painting helps those who are suicidal
Moms friend Ziva Reuben made this painting of mom.
I want this on the cover of the book for many reasons
Ziva did not tell me what the painting is about but this painting was mom’s favorite and it is in mom’s living room now. Ziva was one of mom’s closest friends. One day tammy, mom,and I went to Ziva’s garden. Mom was still in remission. I remember how happy mom was and she was wearing her red dress.
I just remember meating Ziva for the first time and seeing how much Tammy and mom loved Ziva. After mom had passed, we were in Shiva. The Rabbi from Darli’s Bat Mitzvah was done praying and he asked us to sit down in a circle in mom’s living room. We were asked to say something that they remembered about mom.
I don’t remember what Ziva said at that time but later I told Ziva about how much pain I was in. This is when Ziva told her heart was also broken.Ziva told me that mom would come to the garden on a daily basis when she ws in remission. Ziva’s garden and house is full of paintings.Mom would interpret every painting slowly and spend hours with Ziva. Ziva was so sad that mom would never do this again.
I remember the times in the nursing home when mom was getting chemotherapy.
Mom told me that “they put me in this place to die.”
I would lie to mom and tell her that she was going to be ok. When mom was on morphine she told me that there was a secret society. She also believed that she was in an elementary school and that my older sister Dafna, mom’s primary care taker, was actually the school principal. Later mom told me that her job in the Israeli army was to break codes. Mom was so afraid of death.
When mom really got sick, Tammy would even to bring mom to Ziva’s garden in a wheelchair on Sundays. I even remember that mom was vomiting and in severe pain. Mom never complained.
While in the nursing home, I don’t think she ever pressed the button to get the nurse when she was in pain from stomach cancer nausea from stomach cancer. Mom originally had breast cancer but it had spread to her stomach. Dafna and a doctor had save mom’s life and mom lived for 4 years in remission with chemotherapy. One day I asked mom how she was doing and she told me not to worry but the doctors had seen something on her PET scan. She said that it was probably nothing. The next time I saw her she was back in the hospital at UCLA.
When I would visit mom in the nursing I would have to ask her if she was in pain. She would always say yes. Her room was next to the nursing station but she never wanted to bother the nurse.
I believe that Ziva’s garden was Gan Eden. Mom was so excited to go to Ziva’s garden but I don’t think that mom knew that this was Gan Eden.
I also remember that Ziva would make special food for mom and I remember that every time Tammy mentionedZiva mom would get happier.
I had only met Ziva one time with Tammy and Dafna. I was suicidal when I met Ziva.
We never told mom that I was suicidal. I was so suicidal because I still loved my ex wife even though she was physically violent to me. She had kicked me in my knee so hard with high heel sharp boots and I had to have surgery. I still loved her so much. It broke my heart when I saw the picture of my ex and her new husband and child. This is when I developed my suicide plan.
When I came off the airplane from the Philippines mom told me that ex’s husband had died a few years ago from cancer. I never believed mom.How could such a young man like my ex’s husband die from cancer?
This is the biggest regret of my life. I thought mom was trying to make me feel like I still had a chance with Mary Ann. I felt so guilty that I had made a suicide plan and bought the drugs to kill myself online from India. I never got the drugs because I was afraid that the police would arrest me. I had even written a suicide note. I arrived in Los Angeles in November and from November until around June I was very suicidal. Every time I opened my eyes I would see my ex’s face with another man. In June I entered the OCD clinic at UCLA. Sarosh Motivala was my psychologist. As part of exposure therapy Sarosh asked me go to facebook and look at photos of my ex and her husband.
I was in therapy with Sarosh since November. Dr M asked me several times to look at my ex’s photo. I once walked over to Dr M ‘s computer but I backed out.In the OCD clinic I was around new friends and I felt the support of my new friends. Even until the last day of the clinic I had lied and told Dr M that I did not need to look at Mary Anne. The last day Dr M did research and told me that mom was right and that Mary Anne’s husband had died from cancer. He did research on the internet. Mom was still alive when I graduated from the OCD clinic. I was so sorry and I told mom how sad I was that I did not believe her.
That is when mom told me that she was aware of my suicidal feelings and that she had went to a therapist. The therapist suggested that mom would get the proof that my ex’s husband had passed away. Mom told the therapist that I would fall apart everytime anyone would mention my ex. I even refused to talk about her. Now I actually felt sorry for ex’s husband. I also felt so much anger at my ex for her cruelty emotionally and physically. On the other hand, I knew that she was a widow so I also felt sad for her.
I will always remember the day Tammy brought me and mom to see Ziva. I guess that Tammy thought she could make me happy by going to the garden. Tammy,Dafna,Talia ,Eliot,Darli and had all spent time with Ziva and her husband.
Yesterday was 30 days after mom died.Ziva said to me “ Danny, come and look at some painting. I saw the portrate of my mom and the most amazing painting. Then Ziva told me about the painting in mom’s living room which was concealed unless someone were to go towards the balcony. “This was mom’s favorite.”
My first reaction was that I loved the painting. I took a photo but I did not understand the ocean. Then I showed my girlfriend. She told me that this was the best painting. I told my girlfriend what I thought the picture was portraying and we spent about an hour.
The following is only my interpretation of the painting. Mom was very afraid to die.She is looking at death with fear . Mom was becoming very sick with cancer. Mom was very afraid to die. She was very worried about me and if I could make it on my own. She was always worried about Tammy and Dafna.
I believe that is why mom fought so hard to stay alive even until the food and water was stopped. The day before mom died I went into the room and I saw that her right eye would slowly open a little only when I entered the room. The nurse told me she had never seen a patient fight so hard.
Mom had always told me that she does not believe in God . I try to believe in God. When mom was on her deathbed I asked mom why she does not believe in God?
She told me one word “The Holocaust.” People had told mom when she was on morphine that she would see her mom and dad soon. She was so excited.
I remember one day when I was saying goodbye to mom for the night mom was in a wheelchair in the lobby of the nursing home. She had to go to sleep but she told me
“This is why it is so hard to say goodbye.” I never really undertood those words until mom died. I had my first dream of my mom where she was sitting on the couch in her condo with her red dress and no cancer. I said to my dad “mom is right there. Cant you guy’s see her.?”
The biggest lesson of my life is that suicide is not worth it. I remember everyone telling me that things will get better. I wanted to say fuck you to these people.
I was lucky and I had such a supportive family around me who did everything to keep me alive. Despite many doctors and supportive family, I was determined to take my life.
I even tried hanging myself. I could not do it because of the pain. Because of my time in Pharmacy School and my internet research I found an entire community of people who were trying to get hold of lethal drugs. They even helped me out. One time I chatted with a man . He asked me how old I was.He could not believe that I was in my 40s.
He asked me to go to a doctor. I told him that I tried. He asked me if I had cancer or a terminal illness. I said no. He got very upset and told me that suicide was not worth it. He was suffering from a condition where he could not breath and cancer.
I never believed that I could not be suicidal. For me, it was the OCD clinic at UCLA that changed my life. I had met a girl named Lauren. One day Lauren brought in a keyboard. I asked her if she sang? She said yes. I told her that I had written a song for my best friend Jason who had killed himself when we were 27. I met Jason at age 6.
I will never forget the emotional damage that Jason’s suicide caused. I have never really processed it until today. I remember I would have the same dream every night for 3 years. Jason would visit me in my dreams. We were riding bycylces and flying in the air. I would always say,
“ Jason , I thought you were dead?Everyone is telling me that you are dead!”
Jason would say “no, Danny I am still alive. You need to tell everyone.”The dream was so real to me. I remember how sad I was when I woke up the next day. I would have to wait until the night to talk to him again.
My hope is that my songs give hope to people. We are only alive for about. 80 years if we are lucky. This is addressed to those people who are suicidal
Even if you feel that suicide is the only way out, talk to some one. Call the 24 hour suicide hotline. Go to an AA meeting , even if you are not an alcoholic. Humans are social beings. You need to talk to someone. Don’t isolate yourself. Don’t blame yourself.You are only human. Forgive yourself. Your family and friends do love you even if you think that they hate you.
You are not a cruel person. If you kill yourself, you will destroy your family and friends forever. This is what happened when Jason took his life.
Some people tell me that
“You are a child of God.” I always that this was complete bullshit.
After I survived my last suicide attempt, I realized that maybe there is a God.
How can we dream?Who created the human eye?
On the other hand, how can God allow children to be murdered. How about the all the genocides. The Holocaust, Slavery and murder in the United States. The Armenian genocide. 9/11. Isis? Police brutality.
How can god allow this?
Depending on the day and time my belief in God changes.
As human beings, we need to believe in ourselves. We need to take responsibility.
If there is a God, you need to use your freedom of choice to help yourself and others.
“The body is the car and the spirit is the driver.”In other words, we live on forever. Our spirits just travel from car to car but we will never die.
I want to thank the people who stood by me. You know who you are. I also want to thank Lauren Rhodes for helping me write the songs on My Best Friends Suicide and my dad for helping me. I am not going to ever forget about my family and friends and doctors who never gave up even. after I gave up
Saturday, May 28, 2016
Lyrics by Danny Brook
and Durga Mc Broom
Lyrical arrangement and vocals and keyboards Durga
Mc Broom
Music Durga Mc Broom
Verse
I met a man sitting
on a curb in front of my house
And this is his story:
It was 4 am on a
Tuesday winter morning
I haven’t had a thing to eat or drink for days
I sat for hours when
a Chevy passed me by.
I will kill for a shower but they never even wave or say
goodbye.
No one seems to see the human through this haze
I haven’t had a drink in days but still I’m walking through
this maze
Pre Chorus
I was walking with
the moon as my companion.
Still I feel abandoned and alone
Darkness swallowed me and I began to dream
The moon she speaks to me of the husband , the father and
the man
I used to be
but my hungry belly drowns out the moon
So I drift and I drift and I shuffle to the tune.
CHORUS
By cluttered highways
you don’t see me, all I want is be noticed in your eyes.
There’s no 1 there and I am a soul with hopes and dreams
Won’t u reach out your hand.
I’m just like u but for circumstance,
Not an animal,
I’m not just a
drifter
Not just a drifter
Verses
Seem addicted to this
sadness
It’s the only thing that still belongs to me and only me
I saw a little girl
today
She looked so much like mine.
I stopped to touch her hair and then I realized that no one
was there
Bridge
We who are phantoms
in this cold world’s eye are still the ones who
Are the only ones who can still see each other cry.
God please deliver me
from this madness!
Give me back my life
I don’t want to wake up one more day
With the cat laughing at me and the clouds upside down I
forgotten the face of my wife
Copyright 2004 .Danny Brook and Durga Mc Broom.
All right reserved.
The Drifter was a ballad. I wrote the original words at
a Mc Donald’s in Santa Monica while watching a homeless man ask for
change . Then about one month later I
was watching a dog for a neighbor. I had written the words but I suck at
singing. I became friends with the dog owner :
“ Do you know somebody who can sing?”I asked.
“ Do you like Pink Floyd?,”she replied.
“Are you serious? Pink Floyd is my favorite band!.”
A few days later I
met Durga . She is such an amazing human being. I felt like I could tell her
anything.
We became best friends. She also got to meet my mom. I asked
her to teach me how to sing because I hated my voice.
She made me a tape of her singing scales. I told her that I can’t sing and she
said that I just needed to practice scales. I showed her my words for the
Drifter. She liked my lyrics about the moon and being alone. She asked me if
she could take my words and write music?
I said “ Of course!”
She is an amazing
singer.
I gave her the words. She wrote all the music and arranged
the words and sang. She also added her own words to make it a Durga song. I
really wanted Durga to feel the song. I originally wrote the song about a
homeless man. Then I realized that the
song was really about me. My fear of being
homeless. When I made the sketch for the video I had
pictures of my mom. Dad told me that who
was homeless as a child in Israel. I also found pictures of my best friend
Jason Hashimoto. We met when I was 6 and he killed himself when he was 27. I am dedicating this song to Mom, Jason and
Grandpa.
I always kept in touch with Durga using email.
I asked her if it was ok to release the song and Durga said “Of course.”
It took
me so many years to go back to music.
Hi friends and family.
I want this blog to help people in pain.
can you please share your experience with pain or loss?
how did you cope?
we need to help each other.
PLEASE GET MORE INVOLVED AND MAKE POSTS OR COMMENTS SO WE CAN MAKE THIS BLOG ABOUT EVERYONE
DONT BE AFRAID TO MAKE POSTS OR COMMENTS.
please stay positive
peace .love danny
I want this blog to help people in pain.
can you please share your experience with pain or loss?
how did you cope?
we need to help each other.
PLEASE GET MORE INVOLVED AND MAKE POSTS OR COMMENTS SO WE CAN MAKE THIS BLOG ABOUT EVERYONE
DONT BE AFRAID TO MAKE POSTS OR COMMENTS.
please stay positive
peace .love danny
please try and share this blog with at least one friend.
everyone is in pain
SPECIAL
THANKS TO MY BROTHER IN LAW
KEITH MURRAY
FOR
TEACHING ME HOW TO WRITE A SONG. HE IS MY BEST FRIEND. HE IS THE BEST RAPPER
EVER ALONG WITH RAS KASS.LISTEN TO REAL 90S RAP,NONE OF THIS NEW BULLSHIT RAP
ABOUT MAKING MONEY, GIRLS,AND CARS.GO SEE KEITH IN CONCERT AND YOU WILL SEE A
REAL RAP SHOW WITH REAL LYRICS.PEACE BRO.DANNY.also don’t forget def squad,
Redman and Method man for their inspiration.You guys are great and thanks for
speaking with me in California with keith.
Song of Hope( for MOM)
i am trying to start a comedy series
to make people laugh.
God knows there is so much pain in
this world.
my band is BORDERLINE PERSONALITY
FEATURING LAUREN RHODES AND RAS KASS.
http://boarderlineperson.blogspot.com/
Friday, May 27, 2016
Society
Borderline Personality featuring Ras Kass & Lauren Rhodes
Music and Lyrics by
Danny Brook, Lauren Rhodes, and Ras Kass.
C/D/Em G
Verse 1 A
Remember 1945
Nazi lies
Remember 1945
Humanity cries
They put the mentally ill
In gas chambers to die
Whatever race you were
You were deemed unworthy of life
Verse 1 B
Joy division is her vision
Live or die mankind makes the decision
Wash your hands with soap made up of your friends
You watched them die
Chorus
Run x3
Society says
Run x3
You’re less than human
Run x3
The weak must die
Run x3
The strong must survive
Arms outstretched nailed to the cross
Starved to death look at the cost
Run x3
The judgment in your eyes
Society’s divide
Verse 2
Welcome to 2015
Alone but free
Welcome to 2015
The shame we weep
We are now just left alone
To survive on our own
You say you want to kill yourself
3 days and your out
Verse 2B
Drink seawater it’s ironic
The more you drink the more you need water
Play some upbeat music for the war
To drown out the screams
Bridge
We’ve been killed and ignored
We’ve been shamed by the norms
Just heal or die
We’re humans trying to survive
Can you imagine if everyone was perfect
It doesn’t even exist
What reason would you have
Would you have to live
Ras Kaaz ( society)
HA
SUICIDAL curved lines
Livin in blurred times
Making illnesses a sickness
Not a crime
a disturbed mind ,alienated
,close encounters
this the third kind
colonialism and racism
these purged signs
religion right termed third reich with a preffered kind
sexism is rampant can they just turn a blind eye
please show some empathy in all this insanity
since when did hate and vanity replace all humanity
cave rights obstructed
woman denied equal salaries
if u violate civil liberties freedom is a fantasy
and all I hear is war sounds more rounds instead of building
another wall
try tearing a couple more down
Copyright 2016. Danny
Brook, Lauren Rhodes, , Ras Kass. All
Rights Reserved
Saturday, May 14, 2016
My Best Friend’s Suicide
Music and Lyrics by
Danny Brook and Lauren Rhodes,
Verse 1
Am/G/F/Dm
I met my best friend in the second grade
We were so young and innocent
Except when I punched you in the face
We made a game out of the pain
The alarm clock rang at 7am
But it just kept on screamin
Until I found my best friend
Hangin on a door by a belt
Chorus
Am/F/Am/C
The body is the car and the spirit is the driver
I feel like the soul survivor
The body is destroyed and the spirit survives
Why did you have to die
Am/C/Am/G
Why did you leave me alone
Why did you have to die
Why did you leave me alone
It’s my best friend’s suicide
Verse 2
Am/G/F/Dm
It’s such a shock to me
Was your heart so empty as it bled
Now I’m left drowning in the pain
I am going insane
The alarm clock rang at 7am
I didn’t want to be alive
I found your belt and stood on the chair
But I still found air
Bridge
F/Am/G/Am
I couldn’t stop you
It’s the shot gun effect
I couldn’t save you
From your distress
Could I have stopped you
But to live is to die
Could I have stopped you
From your deadly demise
Copyright 2015. Danny Brook
and Lauren Rhodes. All Right
Reserved.
Thursday, May 12, 2016
I
tried to overdose on drugs to kill myself.
I want to help others and prevent suicides.
Please
share my post with everyone to help the mentally ill.To help the “drug addict who still suffers in and out of these rooms.”
I have
chosen to show you my love for this artist and this song.
I
WANT TO MAKE IT CLEAR THAT I HAVE NO INTENTION OF GLAMORIZING SUICIDE.
I think it sucks that the media EXPLOITS the
mentally ill. When a celebrity commits
suicide, the MEDIA uses suicide as an advertisement to get better ratings and
make a profit.
Our society does not recognize the suffering OF EVERY human being. The person who takes his life is
in so much emotional pain. EVERYONE WILL
FEEL SUICIDAL ONE DAY. BAD BREAKUPS, GETTING FIRED, FINDING YOUR SPOUSE
SLEEPING WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND. FAMILY AND FRIENDS DYING AT YOUNG
AGES. Let’s all get ready for life.
Now
about myself:
I
am a member of NAMI. I have severe OCD & suicidal ideation. I made a video
to help prevent suicide attempts.
I
just finished the OCD clinic at UCLA.
I
also have Borderline Personality Disorder.
I am
creating this blog for people who suffer from mental and physical illnesses.
Bipolar, depression, OCD, Schizophrenia, PTSD, etc. It doesn’t matter what type of mental or
physical illness you suffer from. It can
be cancer or panic attacks.
I also want
to put an end to the stigma of mental illness.
Everyone is welcome to share on this website
and ask for help. Even if you think your “normal”, please read this.
I just want to save at
least one life from suicide. I want humans to ask humans for help. Many doctors
are giving out the wrong drugs to the wrong people. There are only a few
psychiatrists who I can count on. First ,I was diagnosed with Depression after
my parents got divorced. Later, they labeled me as OCD.One day they changed their
mind to bipolar. Next came Borderline Personality Disorder. Who knows what I
am. If I walk into a different MDs office on the same day, I will be labeled 5
different names.
I lost my
best friend Jason when he was 27 to suicide.
After Jason died, I attempted suicide several times.
I have been hospitalized in mental wards several times. I
have been escorted by police in handcuffs to the nearest psych prison. I became more suicidal after a few days. I
would have to fake the MDs that I am happy now in order to get released. I
would find myself on a bunch of the newest trendy drugs.
The same drugs that pharmaceutical reps give MDs for free and donate $100,000
to the nearest MD so they prescribe their beautiful new baby drug.
I am so lucky to have been treated by MDs who were human
because I usually had medical insurance. I feel scared for all the homeless
people who end up like cattle.
My suicide attempts were so deadly. No one understood me. I
hated everyone, even myself.
Why couldn’t they stop being so selfish? They were forcing me
to live for them.
.
When I was attempting suicide, my
friends and family were telling me that things will get better.
I was so
angry. How can they lie to me? I was convinced that things will never get
better. I even wrote a note. I said that I don’t want to hurt my family. I just
saw no other way out. I want to join my best friend Jason in Heaven where we
can be friends.
Every night
for three years, Jason would visit me in my dreams. We were both on bicycles
flying in the air. The dreams were real. I would ask Jason, “Everyone is saying that you are dead??”
Jason would
always say the same thing. “ That is
bullshit .Tell everyone that I am alive.”
Today, I have so much gratitude
that I am alive. I am also sober and I go to a 12 step meeting where I can
share my emotions. I need to keep my
meeting anonymous because there is a huge
stigma for going to a meeting and reaching out. “ You’re just a drug addict.
You’ll be sober for a few days only. Pretty soon you will be asking me for money to get high.”
When I was suicidal, I had a sober
friend who would ask me to go to a meeting. I would tell him No every time.
That shit doesn’t work .
Then one day, I found out that my mom
was going to die from cancer soon. It was my friend who took me back to my
first meeting after 15 years. I wanted to kill myself because of losing my
marriage and the only person who I loved.
It was my meeting that kept me alive. I never
wanted to hurt my family , friends, pets or doctors. I just wanted to put an end to my
suffering.
I
need to thank my cat and dog. They kept me alive. At least they loved me
no matter what . After I survived my suicide, I visited my friendly
neighborhood shrink. He looked at me after I told him about my suicide attempt.
I never saw anyone look so angry. He looked me straight in the eye. “Are you a
cruel person?”
I replied “ I don’t know. What are
you talking about? And I am not a cruel person.!Everyone says I am the nicest
guy. People love me.”
“ Who do you want to punish? Your
family? Ex- girl friend?!!”
I thought to myself. Who is this asshole?I don’t think this
rich therapist ever had to deal with the shit I had to suffer. This prick has
spent his life in Beverly Hills.He has never walked in my shoes.
After I left his office, I kept wondering if I was actually a
cruel person. My friends told me that I was the nicest guy. I still wondered
until I saw my new doctor who I love.
She told me that I would be destroying my family and friends.
They would be devasted. You need to hold
on. You need to have hope. I promise that “this too shall pass.” Parents aren’t
supposed to be burying their kids.
Now back to my best friend Jason. He used a belt and a chair to kill himself. PLEASE DON’T TRY THIS.I was stupid
enough to try this and the pain was so severe that I had to give up. I even
drank as much alcohol and used as many drugs that I could hoard. I even
listened to my favorite metal drug band . I heard my favorite ballad. I listened to my favorite classic rock band play
their most depressing song.
Then I
would have to put on my favorite punk band play its only ballad. Then came the
best 70’s classic rock band.
There is not a day that goes by without the sadness of Jason's death. I am still devasted. I feel guilty that I survived. What
makes me so special. Did Jason stop his
pain.?Jason was raised by a mother who would never let him out of his house. He
had no freedom. I was 6 years old when I
saw Jason. He was half Hispanic, half Japanese. He never felt like he fit in
anywhere.
I punched him in the eye. My mom and dad had just gotten
divorced. I needed to release my anger. The next day, we became best friends.
Jason’s mom loved my mom. He was only allowed to hang out with me. He turned to
drugs when he was 13.I felt like I had already lost my best friend.
In 2016, my mom suffered the most painful death from breast
cancer. This was the most traumatic event of my life. God does our medical system suck. They would kick
her out of the hospital every few days. They told us that hospice was the best
way to go. God were they wrong.
I wanted mom to stop suffering. I told the nurse “ I thought
that assisted suicide became legal in California?”
“ We don’t do that. We wait for God!”
What kind of fucked up God was this. Mom never believed in
God. Her parents were in the Holocaust. How could God allow that shit.How about
the millions of kids getting raped? Or starving to death?”
People always told me that I was the nicest guy. Behind my
back they would tell each other that I was crazy but nice.
. The truth is that we are all crazy. Some of us hide it
better. I always felt that no one could ever understand me. How could the rich
kids feel what I feel.
On the other hand, we need to forgive our parents. MOST
IMPORTANTLY, WE NEED TO FORGIVE OURSELVES.
Let's help each other.
We need to unite and be proud that we
are special.
My
only salvation was writing poetry. The poems then became lyrics. Then I joined
a rock band. I love playing guitar. Now I am part of a rock band called
Borderline Personality.
We
wrote an album called “My Best Friend’s Suicide.” I hated the title.How can we glamorize
suicide? I don’t want the next teenager killing himself while listening to this
album. PLEASE don’t .
On the other hand, our media is
evil. If we don’t put suicide in the title, people will call us an overnight
pop sensation. Teeny bopper music for 13 year old girl.
I
never wanted to sell out. I had to sell out so I can save lives. This album has
some disco in it. Don’t worry, 90% of the album is real shit.
Our next album is going to be the
death punk metal.
Our
album is dedicated to my mom who just passed away from cancer and to my best
friend Jason who killed himself.
Before I get old and die in a nursing home, I need
to know that I gave kids something to help them. This album goes out to the
kids who are bullied and have no friends. I need to thank Durga Mc Broom ( of
Pink Floyd Fame), Ras Kass ( the best fuckin’ rapper who has real lyrics. He’s talking about discrimination . He is not
talking about sleeping with girls and taking drugs. Real rap died with the 90s.
He’s also my best friend and a real
human being.), and Derf Scratch of Fear. RIP Derf. I love you.
I also need to thank the best bands ever.
People, you need to start listening to Maynard James Keenan, Tool, APC, Puscifer Don’t forget Rage Against the Machine, Pink
Floyd, Led Zep, Slayer, The Who, KISS.System of a System of a Down. Method Man, Red Man, Erick Sermon,
Depeche Mode, Lauren Rhodes, Phyliss
Brown, Shayne Holzman, Steve Coonen, Borderline Personality.
Joy Division was the best. Put on
some Rush ( 2112).Jello Biafra, LARD, Keith Murray. Iron Maiden,Black Sabbath,
the Bee Gees, Suicidal
Tendencies,Neil Young, Paul Simon,King Crimson, Roxy Music, David Bowie, DJ Khaled, and Rick Rubin, David Geffen,
Bob Dylan, Johny Cash, Leonard Cohen, Counting Crows, The Germs, Foofighters,
Afghan Whigs, Chili Peppers, Eminem, Linkin Park, Mars Volta.
Most of all, RIP Layne Staley, Kurt
Cobain,Prince, John Bonham, Syd Barret, Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix and most of all John Lennon..
Yes , our fuckin government killed him.Open
your fuckin’ eyes!
Sorry,
I probably left out the best bands because my memory sucks. You know who you
are.
Wednesday, May 11, 2016
My name is Danny.
I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder, OCD, and severe Suicidal Ideation.
My goal is create a safe place for those suffering from mental illness.
We need each other in order to survive.
We need a place to discuss our illness without being judged.
No one will ever understand us unless they suffer the same mental illness
I am so lucky and
happy now to be alive. Even when darkness is around you, the light will come
back. Just hold on. Even when you want to die and get rid of the pain, remember
that your family and friends love you. Also, if you are suicidal, go to AA
meetings. That is what I did. Humans are social animals. We need each other. I
would have never made it without my family, friends, and doctors.
I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder, OCD, and severe Suicidal Ideation.
My goal is create a safe place for those suffering from mental illness.
We need each other in order to survive.
We need a place to discuss our illness without being judged.
No one will ever understand us unless they suffer the same mental illness
My best friend killed himself when I was 27.His name was Jason.
After Jason died, I attempted suicide several times.
I have been hospitalized.
My suicide attempts were so deadly.
No one understood me.
I
hated everyone, even myself.
Why couldn’t they stop being so selfish?
They were forcing
me to live for them.
I ordered the drugs to kill myself. Luckily, I never got
them.
I am a musician and I want to help others who have lost
hope.
I was able to survive because I have an amazing family and friends.
I will discuss borderline personality disorder in the next post.
I meet all the criteria for the diagnosis.
I also suffer from severe OCD. I went to the OCD clinic at UCLA.
I graduated. I am a lyricist, musician and music composer.
I play guitar and sing a little.
I wrote several songs to give suicidal
people hope.
Please check out my
band’s album
My Best Friend’s Suicide
By Borderline Personality .
We have released 3 songs for people who suffer from suicide.
We are in the process of releasing the other songs.
I want to thank my close friend Lauren Rhodes. Together, we
wrote the songs in the album.
Two songs about my best friend Jason who killed himself when
he was 27.
During the writing of
the album, my mother was losing a five year fight to breast cancer.
In the last year of
her life, she was in so much pain.
This was the saddest and most traumatic period of my life.
Your mom is your only
unconditional love.
I was very suicidal watching mom die the most painful
death.
I don’t know how I made it through.
I always told myself that I would
kill myself the day mom died.
My suicide attempts were horrible.
No one understood me.
I
hated everyone, even myself.
Why couldn’t they stop being so selfish?
They were forcing
me to live for them.
I ordered the drugs to kill myself. Luckily, I never got
them.
Reach out and you will find Peace of Mind.
mom passed away from breast cancer about 2 months ago.
it was the worst most
painful traumatic event in my life.
I keep trying to bring
her back to life in my head but I keep failing.
I am so depressed. I
wrote this song for mom when she was dying.
I want to help anyone
who is in pain.
i want to prevent suicide.i made this blog to explain that
suicide hurts everyone.i made it through suicide because of my friends.love and
peace danny.
My friends in my band Borderline Personality feat. Lauren
Rhodes and Ras Kass
Helped me make music videos, comedy, and short interviews.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKIjNPGEjnA
Song of Hope( for MOM)
i am trying to start a
comedy series to make people laugh.
God knows there is so
much pain in this world.
my band is BORDERLINE
PERSONALITY FEATURING LAUREN RHODES AND RAS KASS.
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